Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Wedding Gifts, what & how much to give?

A very good friend is getting married for the second time. She's close to 55 years old, very in love and an old childhood friend. We keep in touch casually through e-mail. I do appreciate receiving a wedding invitation to go next spring to her destination wedding in Mexico, however, I'm unable to attend because I have lost my job. I'm married, so I could afford up to $200 but wasn't sure what the etiquette would be in this situation. Should I send money, gift or any suggestion would be appreciated.

Dear Mrs. Karen:
You are only required to give what you can afford. it would not be fair nor reasonable to expect anyone to put themselves into debt just to give a wedding present. Regarding giving money vs. a gift, that is hard question to answer. Some couples prefer cash (I personally hate this option) to help pay for the wedding and some are happy to get a gift. My first suggestion would be for you to follow through with them and see if they have a gift registry. If this is the case, than that is the answer. In this case remember to have the gift sent to the Brides home with a wonderful hand written card from you. Do not feel it necessary to make excuses but simply say that you are honoured to be invited to the wedding, you are sorry you are unable to personally attend and wish the couple best of luck etc. If you can add something personal about the person you know from the couple that is always appreciated and appropriate.
Cordially, Charles MacPherson, Butler


  1. Thank you Charles!
    I have always detested destination weddings but this is a nice alternative.

  2. My partner and I were invited to attend the wedding for my co-workers daughter whom I barely know. I work with her mother and have come to know about her daughter and met her a couple of times. I was invited to a Jack and Jill party for them which I attended and met her finance for the first time. Could you please advise as to what would be an appropriate monetary gift to give.